Monday I get turned down for a job I wanted plenty bad. Tuesday little sister has skull surgery. Wednesday I ask the hot librarian out and she's already living with somebody. At least half a dozen other little disasters, and I try to work the phrase "without bad luck there's no luck at all" into all my conversations.
I'm a blowhard. I don't write much poetry but I've spent more than a decade studying it and I know for a fact that Mather is less than mediocre.
Here's his big finish from a poem in the newest issue of My Favorite Bullet, a journal I've always been happy to send writers to.
"That bottle’s gonna sit there on the counter
untouched from now on
like an idol to remind us
that there is no god."
Thanks, dude. I was scribbling "there is no god" on my trapper keeper when I was six. You really threw some FRESH NEW PERSPECTIVE out there, a real sweet TRUE GRIT SNAPSHOT. I mean, you talk shit about tons of writers who come up with fantasy worlds or whatever, but your REAL WORLD is as obvious as a 16 year old goth kid hanging out at the food court parking lot.
Haha Mather, I'm sorry, but you're garbage. Everybody around here knows it but it's been a while since I let you know myself. Stick around for another three months and I'll do it again, and I know it'll make your night the same way I'm sure your pulse will be going good the time you finish reading this for the first of at least 10 times.
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31 comments:
if you really want here, don't give up. if she did that first approach, time is on your side. go full in.
I can feel you on the job thing. It's a killer out here. At least you're facing your tribulations with a sense of humor.
I hope your sister is okay. What kind of surgery?
Is this DiGangi or the new guy? When you all sound the same it's hard to tell who's who.
Well, since "everybody" there knows I'm garbage, I revisited the first poem on your current page, the poem that seems to have received the most compliments. This is what "everybody" there thinks is good poetry. Just read it again, or better yet take just the last few lines and judge it on that. I'm sorry, but I'm perfectly happy with the side of the line you're on concerning my poetry.
Nice effort, though.
Haha, ending a poem with "there is no god" is as bad as starting a story with "For as long as I can remember." This guy is probably part of a low-rent academic program.
I was just happy to see a poem from Mother that didn't mention the goddamn taxi. I think congrats are in order:
Hooray for Mother! He got a poem published without a cab in it!
Hey Spencer, ever hear of a shunt?
I just looked it up on wikipedia. Does she have hydrocephalus?
the second poem had a cab in it. what's up with cabs?
It was, like, a zit on her brain.
You guys should publish my poem about Benji the Hunted and the baby cougars it's awesome, i submitted it like a week ago.
i read a story once about a writer who gets involved with a taxi driver who meets the saddest and poignent people while he drives them around. the taxi driver was fat, bals, and full of shit. i thik his name was mather. the writer hated him but i think ended up making money off him. i wish i could remember who wrote that.
about taxi joke. lol
I have now read your We Hate Mather blog 127 times and, heart racing, I find I must comment further.
First of all, I love the segue you make into the diatribe against me. It's almost as if I'm responsible for all your personal troubles. Well, I probably am...
You admit you are a blowhard, and that you don't write much poetry. Ok, that is "obvious". Next you say you've studied poetry for "more than a decade". Forgive my math, what's that, like ten and a half years? And you're...24?
You finally noticed I'm in My Favorite Bullet? I've been in there for as long as you've been "studying" poetry, old timer. Way to keep up on the scene. Bates has been publishing me since you were living with your parents.
I don't know what a "trapper keeper" is, but if you've been scribbling anti god slogans on there since you were six then good for you. From your writing style I assumed you learned about language much later than that...I have been an atheist all my life too. My poem was simply a reminder, which I think people need. I certainly wasn't pretending to be the first person to proclaim there is no god.
You call me "garbage" which is a strong word, isn't it, and then you invoke the crowd on your side, which is exactly what I've been complaining about the whole time with Thieves Jargon. Where is the individual? Ok, forget that, where is the critical appraisal of the poem, aside from calling me a goth girl in the mall? Do you really think you can stand by this statement?
And then you inspire your bevy of brilliant commentators. Nathan who thinks I'm an academic, good one; Renaissance who thinks all I write are cab poems, even though I published over 300 poems before I ever wrote a cab poem, and even now the cab poems are a small percentage on the net, which is clear to anyone who can see and read...then Riverbed says I'm probably a fat bald guy...doesn't anyone know how to Google? My bio and photo are readily available, unlike most of you grease spots.
DiGangi, I thought you were retiring. Good luck in the free market. It's not as easy without your own journal.
I really hope there are reasonable people who read this but for some reason do not comment. Otherwise I think all hope is lost with Thieves Jargon. Really it should be called "Herd Jargon".
Haha I read your first paragraph then stopped. You're irrelevant. I know I shouldn't lash out at people when I'm feeling sad, but it seems like you're used to it and mostly impervious. Thanks for being there for me when I needed it. In that way, you're actually better than most people I know in real life.
mather, you're so "sensitive." i've seen your pic. i know what you look like. i don't think it's a crime to be bald and fat. if i were bald and fat, i'd be very proud. i don't analyze poems because i'm not a critic. like i said in my indulgent post dedicated to you, i feel you're an "okay" poet. you neither move me or make me nauseous. i personally would rather cause someone to go around shit-talking about me than not cause any response at all. your poetry, mather, causes no movement in me. i don't think, "it sucks," or "damn, this is new," nor do i think, "this is good." i see your name on a journal, i check out the poem, think, "okay," and then forget about what i just read.
PS: i didn't post me previous diss on you for digangi's sake. i did it because i though it would be funny, and still do.
Riverbed you stinky spic. I'll slit your throat apart.
That's a show stopper there...
i had thought it was really you and promoed it. then felt like a fool and reposted, I think is was a fake "mather" that threatened my life. when i thought it was you, i got excited.
Here's a clue: blue mather small "m" is me, Black Mather large "M" is the other. It should be clear to who ever reads it that the other person that the voice is not mine.
In other words, I would never make physical threats like that, I never have and never will.
yeah. i was surprised.
that was written by some guy stuck in an insane asylum.
i wonder why he's there?
No I'm not in an insane asylum.
so that means you're gonna come and get me?
Blue Mather is the fake! I'm the real Mather!
Just to prove it, ask me a question only the real Mather would know.
Plus, everyone know the real Mather has a birth mark shaped like Indira Gandhi's labia behind his right knee. I'll drop my pants for the truth...are you game, "Mather"?
"Mather" versus "mather" the "fight."
"The Pursuit Of Matheryness"
by Jeff T. Kane
I was fat
you were Hayden Christiansen
it was chilly in the park
you gave me your sweater
Listening to Dave Matthews band
one more emtpy box of lunchables
Xtreme pizza
The Coinstar machine
taxes me 8.9 nine cents for
every dollar I earn
returning emtpy cans of Tab
Andy Riverbed is a Mexican band aid
I put on my penis
It's a splint for my limp dick
dick whose one eye stares at a creepy purple sky and sees there is no God only Madore
Sure, I'm game. Drop those pants!
I was never even wearing any.
too clever for me...
funny as hell.
30 comments
jaja.
31.
is that a big deal?
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