Bartop stories

Man, when I started, these used to be all I wanted to hear.

Reading the newest issue of Madore's Dispatch reminded me of Steve Barker's Jesus' Vagina.

Such a small victory

Monday I get turned down for a job I wanted plenty bad. Tuesday little sister has skull surgery. Wednesday I ask the hot librarian out and she's already living with somebody. At least half a dozen other little disasters, and I try to work the phrase "without bad luck there's no luck at all" into all my conversations.

I'm a blowhard. I don't write much poetry but I've spent more than a decade studying it and I know for a fact that Mather is less than mediocre.

Here's his big finish from a poem in the newest issue of My Favorite Bullet, a journal I've always been happy to send writers to.

"That bottle’s gonna sit there on the counter
untouched from now on
like an idol to remind us
that there is no god."

Thanks, dude. I was scribbling "there is no god" on my trapper keeper when I was six. You really threw some FRESH NEW PERSPECTIVE out there, a real sweet TRUE GRIT SNAPSHOT. I mean, you talk shit about tons of writers who come up with fantasy worlds or whatever, but your REAL WORLD is as obvious as a 16 year old goth kid hanging out at the food court parking lot.

Haha Mather, I'm sorry, but you're garbage. Everybody around here knows it but it's been a while since I let you know myself. Stick around for another three months and I'll do it again, and I know it'll make your night the same way I'm sure your pulse will be going good the time you finish reading this for the first of at least 10 times.

Weird name

"In Penguin's own release, US ceo David Shanks Shanks notes, 'We achieved a reduction in returns in both our frontlist and backlist businesses'... eBooks do now exceed 1 percent of sales, though the company isn't saying by how much. In the US Penguin has 7,400 ebooks available and expects to have 10,000 titles by later this year."

New issue of Swill Magazine

They only publish like once a year, but I've always been a big fan of Swill Magazine. They more than make up for their long production time by publishing some high-end fiction. As far as small press PRINT productions go, I think they're up there. Earlier issues have featured my favorite Spencer Dew story, Delphine Lecompte, Corey Mesler, and more. Issue 4 has Thieves Jargon co-idiot Steve Young, probably due to reputation only, but membership has its priveleges, and you're not a member. I won't review it because I haven't received my copy yet, but just know I'm not going to ask for a free copy, and you shouldn't either.

Thieves Jargon 191

We're back, and now under Dan Scannell's watch. Wish the fellow luck.

Brendan is Sleepy

This is a new site looking for submissions:

"This was a somewhat memorable day. We were feeling devious and Brendan was feeling sleepy. The strange thing about this night is that he's in full on winter regalia. He never even got a chance to take his coat off before passing out. He'd been out that night, not with us. He decided to "stop by" and apparently had no clue how bored we were until he showed up and immediately passed out on the couch."

Brendan is Sleepy.

Everybody's writing about animals these days

I mean, Jeff T. Kane started the trend five years ago. Then Tao Lin did all those stories about hamsters floating around on helium balloons and pretty much made his name on it. Now personified animal stories are everywhere. Check out this series of three at Madore's project (which is up to Issue Eight, no small shakes for a kid in Iraq). Amelia Grey, I now know, has really good hair.

So does Jac Jemc.

So does Mary Hamilton.

Blake Butler's hair, though, is almost as bad as mine.

Email from a celebrity

This is actually a big moment for me, and I don't really know how he found my name but I think it's because we're both from Boston, athough maybe it was because he heard me talking trash about how I'm scared of big dogs since that pit bull bit my hand. But, you know, I've been a big fan of his since Widow's Walk, so it's nice to get an email from Robert B. Parker, the author of the Spenser detective novels. I really hope this isn't a prank, but his email address is Rparkernovelist@aol.com, so it's probably legit:

You've got your nerve, refusing simultaneous submissions and not paying. May you fail soon.

Free books

Free-For-All: Anderson, “Free” Book, Sparks a Backlash Online and Among Battered Media Industry

Maybe a glimpse into certain publishing futures.

A thing I heard

New Thieves Jargon sometime this upcoming week.